Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
