sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
