Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
