"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was born a porn star she said
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
