we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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