does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
