Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
