is your mom at the bar?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
