i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
