Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
