You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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