We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
