I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
