Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
