I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
