watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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