So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
