I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
