I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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