When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to get me chipped asap
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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