obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
