I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
