I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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