so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
