This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
