So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
