OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
