When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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