wat bout pragnant strippers??
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
