I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
