This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
