a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
