I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
