i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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