I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
