after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
