my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
