the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
