I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
