I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
