4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
