New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
