Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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