Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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