I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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