Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
