Already got asked if we're dating
this just has baby written all over it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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