Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
