Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
