I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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