I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
