If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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