dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
