The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
