i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
